Regardless of how old you are, you can’t help but feel embarrassed as your cheeks get red and you start feeling hot when while sitting on the couch with your parents, watching the latest blockbuster, and all of a sudden a romantic scene plays out on the screens. You don’t dare look at your parents while the characters are going at it on screen. In fact, you just resort to pretending you have no idea what sex is. No wonder people cry about it, laugh about it, a debate about it and shout about it. But no matter how different people’s sexual preferences are, the universal truth remains that sex is something that should never, ever be watched with your parents.
But there is hardly a film nowadays that does not have a sex scene. So by the time you are the ripe old age of 22, like me, you will be well accustomed to the seven stages of accidentally watching excitable lovemaking on the TV, with your parents sitting right next to you.
The sex begins. They are in a bed; you snuggle deeper into your blanket and pretend you are watching this with anyone else. Anyone else in the world be it your old headmaster, your boss, your ex-boyfriend, anyone but the two people who created you by participating in this same sorry act.
There’s no longer any point pretending you are a mature adult who can witness full on copulation with your parents sitting right there. It’s time to stop wishing you were dead. Act like you need a wee and get the hell out of there.
That realization though
Oh god, they are moving closer to each other and they’ve got that look in their eye. This can only mean one thing. Let’s just hope the inevitable shagging does not involve full frontal nudity.
You’re sitting there cozily, sipping on your tea, enjoying watching two fully-clothed actors on the screen. Then suddenly…
You can handle kissing scenes, just about, as long as no tongues are in view. But these two bloody actors, so happily fully dressed only moments earlier, are now ripping each other’s clothes off. It’s scary as you parents are here!
Whichever way you three decide to cope, everyone is increasingly uncomfortable, and everyone is pretending it’s not happening. Maybe you will try to make a joke of it by mumbling ‘This is awkward!’ your father will loudly cough or your mother will shoot you an unsubtle sideways glance to see how you are coping.